Welcome to Bicultural Familia!
This is our family blog, made up of me (Chantilly), the hubs (Ricardo), and our two little niños (our littlest one is on the way!).
If you’re interested in learning a little bit more about our familia and the blog, below is a quick Q&A style interview where you can learn more about us + find links to all of our favorite posts.
We’ll continue to add to this page in the future, so feel free to stop by periodically.
Questions or comments, feel free to visit our contact page here: https://biculturalfamilia.com/contact/
Frequently asked questions (click each question to scroll down to the corresponding answer):
- What’s your racial/cultural background?
- Why do you blog about race?
- How did you meet your husband? How are you alike/different?
- Have your families been accepting of your relationship?
1. What’s your racial/cultural background?
Good question. Well, officially I am a white girl, but I guess there’s a little bit more to the story than that. Ethnically, I’m actually made up of Austrian, Polish and Cherokee. Culturally, I grew up in a house where I was raised and acculturated as Austrian/Cherokee. To me, my father is Austrian/German, my mother is Polish/Cherokee and we had a mix of cultures in our home, as my father was also strongly affiliated with the Black community (he was raised in the Black community and had an African American God-Father), and my mother was raised speaking some Cherokee and sung songs to us and taught the Cherokee alphabet to us as kids. She was also a missionary in Japan for part of her 20’s and as a result we also spoke broken phrases of Japanese at home as kids. My mother actually has a love of cultures and languages, which really impacted me. You can read more about my mixed/multicultural childhood here:
https://biculturalfamilia.com/mixed-messages-when-white-doesnt-quite-fit/
I have three siblings and we all identify our heritage a little bit differently. Since being with my husband, I now identify more Latino/Mexican. That’s in large part because of my attraction to indigenous culture, which my husband and I both share a passion for and interest in. As many may or may not know, Mexican culture is very closely affiliated with it’s indigenous roots.
You can also read a little bit about my husband’s background and cultural identity here:
https://biculturalfamilia.com/bicultural-living-my-husbands-story-of-life-on-la-frontera/
2. Why do you blog about race?
Well, I’ve always had an interest in race. It was a topic that my parents talked about occasionally, but very cautiously. I think their approach was to make us “colorblind” so that we would remain open to people of all walks of life, but this presented some challenges, because neither of my parents were educated in discussions of race. They both grew up in families where race wasn’t an acceptable topic for discussion. So, while both of my parents were more open to diversity, they didn’t have a deeper understanding of the whys and hows of racism, which actually left a significant level of detachment from communities of color. I don’t believe this is intentional, but it’s why I don’t advocate for colorblindness…instead I believe that white folks need more experience talking about race and seeing multiple perspectives on race in order to fully comprehend how they play into the beast that is racism.
After meeting my husband, race became an even larger part of my life. It affected me daily now. I watched how it affected my new family members and how it trickled down through various parts of our lives.
I began taking classes on the sociology of race, Black history and Latino culture to learn more about how race impacted the lives of those that I love and to learn more about how people like me can make an impact. I wanted to talk openly about race and I loved all the discussions that my future hubby and I were having about race, culture, class, gender, religion, etc. We fed each others’ need for acceptance and understanding. We were naturally interested in learning more about each other and we were both very open individuals who were willing to hear each other out on the issues that made us more vulnerable.
Ultimately, I started talking about race and blogging about race because I wanted to both find understanding and give understanding. I had been dealing with a number of issues between my family and my husband’s, nearly all revolving around race (as well as class and religion). Those were things I felt I needed to communicate to others, especially other white folks, who I felt couldn’t understand where I was coming from or why race mattered to me.
You can read more about why I believe that it’s crucial for white folks to talk about race here:
https://biculturalfamilia.com/addressing-white-privilege-should-whites-talk-about-race/
https://biculturalfamilia.com/addressing-white-privilege-talking-to-your-kids-about-race/
3. How did you meet your husband? How are you alike/different?
Our meeting was completely serendipitous. ;) I’ve actually written a post about this, which you can find here:
https://biculturalfamilia.com/a-little-back-story-on-me-the-hubs-how-we-met/
Here’s another great post about the quirks in our relationship:
https://biculturalfamilia.com/endearing-tales-of-unlikely-romance/
As far as being alike and different, I think that like most marriages, we have a lot of differences, but also a lot of similarities. My husband and I both have a passion for culture and history. Some of our longest discussions together have been about Mexican and Native American culture and American history. We also both have a strong moral compass and dedication to equality and understanding. We’re both compassionate, love kids and believe that listening is more important than talking…even though we acknowledge that it’s easier said than done. We’re both foodies, travel addicts and nature lovers. And we’re both family-oriented and put family first, despite all the dysfunction that we were both surrounded by as children. I think that all of our struggles made us more aware of the struggles or others, and more compassionate to a variety of situations that others somehow seem to be able to dismiss. We sincerely care about people, and that’s something that I couldn’t live without. When you put into simple terms, I pretty much married him for this one reason…I love that he puts others first. He’s a compassionate man and that’s why I love him.
Now for our differences. The first and biggest challenge for us is the fact that my husband is more of an extrovert, whereas I am an introvert. This means that he likes people around all the time and I prefer my quiet time. It’s been hard because while I love socializing, I do feel that I need downtime and that’s taken a while for him to really understand. We have both bent and changed over time to accommodate each others’ needs for social time and quiet time, which I think is what marriage is all about. It’s a partnership.
Our other big difference is the fact that our personalities are opposite in some ways. I am very concise and intentional in everything I do, while he is more relaxed and spontaneous. I have a need to plan everything out. I have to know what’s going to happen from one moment to the next and I really like to be prepared in as many ways as possible. It gives me a sense of security about the world around me. He, on the other hand, is very impulsive and prefers to do things on the fly. There are times when he hates that I have to prepare for everything or control little details that he believes will “work themselves out”. Ultimately, we’ve seen how both of our personalities are crucial to our relationship and we find that the balance between them has saved us again and again. My tendency to save and plan has been a lifesaver and his spontaneity has allowed me to let go of some things and just enjoy the moment. So while it’s a big difference, the combination of the two has actually improved our marriage and our lives.
4. Have your families been accepting of your relationship?
Hmmm…that’s complicated. This has been one of our biggest struggles and it is actually the biggest catalyst for my starting this blog. Rather than share a mass of details, I’ll direct you to a few posts that sum up some of what we’ve been through with our families. Granted, it hasn’t been all bad, but we did move several states away from home, so I guess that should serve as a clue.
Read more about our challenges with our families:
https://biculturalfamilia.com/the-wrath-of-la-cunada/
https://biculturalfamilia.com/how-i-lost-my-spanish/
https://biculturalfamilia.com/our-wedding-part-1-the-beasts/
https://biculturalfamilia.com/our-wedding-part-2-the-beauties/
https://biculturalfamilia.com/racism-outsider-turned-insider/
https://biculturalfamilia.com/the-flip-side-can-insiders-be-trusted/
https://biculturalfamilia.com/trials-of-the-interracial-couple/
https://biculturalfamilia.com/dear-mom-a-letter-never-sent-bicultural-papi-guest-post/
https://biculturalfamilia.com/bicultural-parenting/
More Q&A coming soon!
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